Here's the conversation that went on today on the way home from school.
Hudson: "Hey, mommy. Why do those bigger kids have dark skin? Those kids that are older than me? Does your skin look like that when you get bigger, or did God just make it that way?".
Me: "God made it that way. He makes all of our skin exactly the way He wants it. And He chooses to make it all look different."
Hudson: "Oh...". (thinking)
Me: "Do you know that the Bible says that we're made in God's image? Do you know what that means?"
Hudson: "What?"
Me: "It means that it makes God really happy to make all of us very different...and that it makes Him happy because it shows us something about Him."
Why does this conversation make me so sad? On the one hand, I'm really glad that Hudson just thought his skin would change colors when he got older...and on the other hand, I'm really sad that he noticed. He's only 4 1/2...and I'm very aware of my ability to screw him up. I don't want to screw him up in this area. I want to get it right...sigh. Do you guys have any insight? Is there a better way to handle this conversation?
2 comments:
I think you handled it great. One thing John and I have come to realize is that kids take what we say at face value - even our deep thinker. They really do have child like faith. His views of this world are not twisted and distorted like ours are. He will really believe that what you said is true. My experience has shown me that the KEY is to keep those channels of communication open. Because there will be a time when the truth of what you told him today will be challenged - he will hear something different. If you guys are still talking openly then he will ask you then just like he did today and you will be able to address those questions with truth once again. It may be more in depth because at that point he is grasping more than he is now.
God did make us different and he saw that it was good. It is we that have distorted it and made it bad. Not sure if that helps. I just have seen that if I am spending time with my kids and they know that they have my ear then they will ask if and when they are curious. But only if they know it is safe and that you are available to them. Boys are harder too - you just have to talk on their terms. Wish we could have this chat over coffee. :)
i think you did great! but... i also don't think there is anything to be sad about. i think as white people we have this goal of being colorblind or having our kids be colorblind. there is no such thing and it's not a realistic or helpful thing to aim for.
i think it's pretty fun when you get to have conversations about how different we all are and how amazing it is that it can be celebrated because God did it on purpose.
the sad part is that people have been and are continually treated differently and have vastly different opportunities in life because of the color of their skin! a little much to explain to a 4 year old but that will be a hard conversation for all of us.
i think you're right on mama!
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